I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.
It’s hard being a hopeless romantic. I’m done with it. As much as I like looking up to romantic movies and believing that I can have an epic love story like the ones they have, it’s just somewhat unrealistic. I still believe in “happily every afters” for some people, but I’m no longer asking for a knight to ride in by white stallion and profess his love to me. Or for him to be at my window in the middle of the night, simply cause he misses me and wants to see me. Or for a guy to realize that he is in love with me and have him chase and follow me all over the world until he wins me back. NO. It’s just a way of building up false hope for girls. Even the cute little quotes like, “Love conquers all” and “If people are meant to be, they’ll always find their way in the end” lead to disappointment because that’s what people base their whole philosophy of love on. It’s nice to believe what happens movies and dramas and books and think that I can have whatever they have too. But you just have to be realistic at times you know? Not everyone is going to bend over backwards to create a totally incredible fairy tale for you. When you don’t have that high of expectations, you get less disappointment. Don’t wait around because you believe that “If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out in the end,” and become sadly disappointed. Don’t base your reality on things that aren’t true.
40913.) I still think about him because I still care about him. No matter what he has done to me, how he has treated me, how our relationship went and how afterwards turned out, I still care about him. No one can replace him in my heart and what he means to me. No one can replace a first. And that's why he will forever be in my heart, even if we absolutely hate each other. 'Cause at one point, I was absolutely in love with him.
Kinda want to ask you how work was today. Tell you that going out is fun but I also do it to keep my mind off of you. Kinda want to call you, see you. But it ain’t right. Right place, wrong time. It’s been a while, but I gotta give it some time.
I hope you’re doing okay. I hope you’re doing well. That’s what I’m wishing for.
"Alexis, this is merely a little bump in the road. Your world may seem like it’s about to end but remember, it’s just a bump. And you know what? If you really love something, you let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s meant to be."
It’s hurts seeing everything in a box just there right front of you, knowing that every item, picture, or piece of paper has some significance or story. You don’t want to put it away because it’s feels as if you’re losing a part of yourself as you store away the memories in this box. But at the same time you can’t stand to see all of these things around you, because it’s just a reminder of what you had and how happy you used to be.
"In every heart, there is a room. A sanctuary safe and strong. To heal the wounds from lovers past, until a new one comes along. I spoke to you in cautious tones; you answered me with no pretense. And still I feel I said too much. My silence is my self defense. And every time, I’ve held a rose, it seems I only felt the thorns. And so it goes and so it goes, and so will you soon I suppose… And this is why my eyes are closed, it’s just as well for all I’ve seen. And so it goes, and so it goes, and you’re the only one who knows. So I would choose to be with you. That’s if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too. And you can have this heart to break.”
for the longest time, my best friend mentioned a guy, who she described as perfect for me. straight A’s. super smart. captain of the cross country team. incredibly sweet. and most importantly, filipino. LOL. she constantly mentioned him and i was somewhat interested. but he was a senior and why would a senior be interested in an incoming sophomore? so i kinda forgot about him and let go. besides, i was talking to someone at that time anyway.
on this day, while speaking on the phone with the guy i liked at the time, and texting my best friend, i received a text from her saying “Hi Alexis! This is Alyssa’s friend, Richard =]” even though, i was talking on the phone with someone i was really interested in, i payed more attention and got more excited from the texts i was receiving from richard. and for a moment, i had this weird gut feeling that something would happen between me and him. thinking i was crazy, i just brushed it off. again.
but then we began talking through myspace and aim. 24/7. and we started liking each other. and a bunch of complications happened along the way. but that’s another story (;
so exactly a year from when he first texted me, we’re heading 9 months, and more in love than ever (:
I’m sorry if I fucked up everything between us. I’m sorry if I slipped some unnecessary comments and hurt you. I really wish I could take it all back. I really just miss you. I just want us to get along and be happy again.