It could be a good or bad thing. Once I love you, I’ll love you regardless of your actions or qualities. & Yes, that may be considered a good thing. But as for myself, no matter what you cause; pain, stress, etc. I’ll still love you.
A relationship can only go as far as how well the two people compliment each other, and how much effort each person puts in. No one person can “wear the pants”. It takes balance. Interesting enough, a relationship is just a best friend basically who you could be intimate with. Equal roles from each person, with an understanding of one another, that most people would never be able to understand.
I’m seriously starting to hate those nights where your mind suddenly starts acting up and you end up thinking of all these worst case scenarios, then out of no where, you’re a depressed motherfucker. No matter how hard you try to stop over-thinking everything, it just doesn’t help. The more you think about it, the more it stays permanent in your system. You keep asking yourself, why can’t your mind function, why can’t you keep all these bad thoughts out. Sometimes, these questions will always stay a mystery. Now you’re stuck at this point in your day where nothing feels right anymore, and you’re just thinking way too much. All you ever want now is just to be happy again. But, it’ll take awhile for that to happen.
In relationships, there will be days where you feel like giving up. There will be days where you just want out and the stress just becomes unbearable. You’re going to say “Fuck it, fuck it all. I’m done.” The pain just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. And there will days where you two are just at your worst. There might even be a series of the worst days. But miraculously through the tears and heart ache, you stay beside eachother. You remember the good times and realize how important this one person is to you. It’s hard to imagine waking up one day and the person that’s always there is gone. But you managed to just stay together. The worst experiences either break you apart or bring you closer together. It amazes me because just when you think it’s all over, you two just push through it all. That’s what love is.
You know, the beautiful, outgoing and social type of girl that you can find at every party or social gathering. The type that posts a bajillion photos of where she’s been on Facebook every day because she has such a glorious life and a million friends. The type that is willing to make friends with just about anyone and laughs at everything and always has something to do every day because people simply want to be around her.
I’m just the odd and maybe even boring girl seated in the corner of the classroom. The type of girl that, when called on in English class, uses unnecessarily large vocabulary unconsciously in her answer. The type of girl that is willing to curl up in bed and read a good book on a Friday night opposed to going out to a party. The type of girl that rocks brown satchels instead of Louis Vuitton.
Plain old, boring me.
But I’m not ashamed, because if I attempted to live a life other than the one I’m living right now, that wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t enjoy myself if I were surrounded by hundreds of drunk strangers, nor would I be able to appreciate going out every single day.
I love my life and the way I live it. This will suffice.
I hate how bad memories are so well incorporated with the good ones that it’s nearly impossible to look back on something great without running into something terrible. I hate how the scar of a single bad experience can make you writhe in discomfort; how it can still make your chest swell up in pain or set fire to your blood simply by the means of attempting to reminisce.
Why is it that the worst memories are the easiest to remember?
So fucking irritated, frustrated, and annoyed today. I just feel like screaming and crying. Either, the pmsing is starting early, or everyone and everything is doing a damn good job of pissing me the fuck off. I hate feeling like this.
You deserve to have a smile on your face 24/7. You should be happy to be yourself. You’re beautiful, sweet, thoughtful, loveable, and everything and anything i could ever ask for. This sounds cliche and all, but i want you to be happy. i want to be the one who can make you smile, the one who can make your bad days suddenly turn for the better at the last moment, the one who can make you laugh, and the one who can listen to everything you have to say.
I want to make you feel the way you make me feel. You make me feel like im unstoppable, im invincible, like i have nothing to fear, that im safe and sound, and i can be myself around you. I dont have to be fake, i dont have to put up a front, or create a lie to impress you or make you feel differently about me. All i have to do is be my dorky, goofy self and you love me just the same. I love you. and i know you love me back. i just want you to be happy.
Because that’s exactly how you make me feel.
Waay too sweet and cute. She’s a really lucky girl, Philip (:
Our relationship isn’t exactly ideal but when two people contrast each other so much, I guess I should have known normality would cease to exist when speaking in terms of us. Sometimes, I even question how our relationship manages to function as well as it does. With our different backgrounds, different lifestyles, different crowds, it sometimes leaves me baffled to think how we’ve progressed to develop feelings for each other based off many differences and few similarities.
I can’t say I didn’t know what I was getting myself into from the beginning, though. Because along with differences comes collisions, and so far.. we’ve had many of those. From the arguments to the disagreements to the avoided discussions in attempts to evade fighting. And with us being so divergent from one another, sometimes, I feel as if our compatibility levels aren’t as high as I’d like to think and there’s someone out there that’s more suitable and fit for the title I hold.
But as I’m sitting here, typing this, listening to you snore while reminiscing on all the memories we’ve created, it reassures me that we still have unmet potential, and it reassures me that what I’m fighting for is, indeed, worth it. We’ve built so much by overcoming even more together, and I’m determined to keep together in the present moment for as long as I can, and do whatever in my power to prevent it from becoming a part of the past.
Because… I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with somebody else.
"Because… I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with somebody else.”
When the person you like texts you goodmorning or calls you. Leaves you messages. Checks up on you all the time, just to see if you’re alright. Gets worried about you and everything.
I actually don’t find that annoying. I know some people do feel suffocated. But I love it when someone does that. Keeps me smiling for days. It just shows, that you are thinking about me. That you care.
I wish I enjoyed the present more than worrying shitless over the future. My mind can’t help but thinking, stressing, and getting upset or sad over what can/will happen tomorrow, next week, next month, even next year. I fucking hate it.
[22:35] ahhahhalexis: Alexis Ashley Andom! U r my most favorite person in the whole world right now =D [22:35] ahhahhalexis: i like how it says right now hahahaa [22:36] ahhahhalexis: that means it can change. haha [22:36] flipmasterrg3: haha fine ill change it [22:36] flipmasterrg3: gosh sooo critical [22:37] ahhahhalexis: LOL its okay i like it [22:37] flipmasterrg3: haha too late lol [22:37] ahhahhalexis: omg ahaha [22:39] flipmasterrg3: wow look what jesse said [22:39] flipmasterrg3: [22:38] Jiiieeesssiiieee: u r my most favorite person right now? [22:38] Jiiieeesssiiieee: never say right now [22:38] Jiiieeesssiiieee: cuz means it could change [22:39] flipmasterrg3: lol [22:39] ahhahhalexis: SEE! [22:39] ahhahhalexis: thank you! [22:40] ahhahhalexis: seriously me and jesse. we get each other. LOL [22:40] flipmasterrg3: haha i didnt reread what i said… so if i caught it i wouldve changed it for sure [22:40] ahhahhalexis: well, you never know. it probably could change. [22:40] flipmasterrg3: nawwwwwwww [22:41] ahhahhalexis: i’m just saying. gotta think realistically sometimes. [22:41] flipmasterrg3: i am [22:43] ahhahhalexis: hah how do you know? [22:44] flipmasterrg3: like i said b4… my feelings wont change [22:45] flipmasterrg3: “i love just who u r… i aint gonna try to change ya… u r a shooting star„, thats y u r my favorite” - LMFAO
And you should already know, I freaking miss you like crazy. Sure we see each other at times, but the times we’re apart, I want to be with you more than ever. I feel like a love sick puppy dog that misses it’s owner. Shit, can a person really miss another human being like this.
Even though we tend to argue more than we should, even though our fights often times feel like WWIII, and even though we seem like two people on opposite sides of the universe, I’m still glad we’re together.
Just thinking about how I can call him “mine,” knowing that he belongs to me and the thought of being in a relationship with him makes me ecstatic.
Yeah, we tease each other a lot and yeah, sometimes it seems like we play fight more than we are affectionate, but in all honesty, I’ve never been so physically and emotionally attracted to someone in my entire life.
School already ended a couple days ago. But here I go.
Junior Year. Probably the worse school year of my life. Actually, no. It WAS the worse school year of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more defeated, more emotionally drained, more lonely, more academically declined, more lazy, and more sleep deprived in my life. I’ve never shed that many tears, nor have I felt more insecure and not confident in my life.
I remember the first day of school. I woke up and already felt like shit. I remember getting ready and crying while trying to put on my makeup because I was just really sad that summer was over and that my year of hell was about to begin. Not only that, but Richard was starting college, and I was preparing myself for the drastic changes. And that’s what made this year the hardest. I always expected the worse.
When I came to school and saw all of my friends on the first day, you could tell they weren’t excited to be there as well. Kahyun even told me that she cried on her way to school too LOL. In fact, the first couple weeks, maybe even first semester, all of us felt depressed haha. I remember talking to Brenda almost every day about how we just broke down crying the night before about God knows what. All of us felt overworked and tired, and it was like none of us were getting used to Junior Year. We were all just messed up in the head.
My goal was to survive the year. I still tried, but I didn’t live up to my full potential. I was slacking off. BIG TIME. I never studied for AP Physics. Maybe the first test, but that’s it. I took advantage of the fact that Mr. Hughes loved me to get a B in that class. In AP English, I never read a complete book. Sparknotes FTW. I never really cared about writing well which led to me always getting 4/9 on my essays. In Precalc Honors, I failed every single quiz. I think out of the 20 quizzes we took that semester, I got maybe 5 A’s? If it wasn’t for the massive extra credit Mr. Ho gave us to attend and help out Mathapooloza, I would’ve gotten a B for sure. I ended up getting 4 A’s and 2 B’s first semester. 4.16 GPA. Which is pretty good. But I bet if I tried harder and didn’t have that, “I don’t give a shit anymore” mentality, I would’ve done better.
Negativity was the biggest factor in why this year sucked so bad. People say I’m a pretty strong person to handle so much and still come to school smiling and laughing. Honestly, I think I’m just good at faking a smile and fooling all of you haha. But at times, the negativity shone through and I couldn’t hide it. I didn’t have that confidence in myself that I used to have. There was such a big change from my sophomore year to my junior year, and some people saw through my facade.
There were a couple of good things this year. Not a lot, but some. I got my license. I got it 4 months late, but I still got it near the beginning of this year. I think I would have been ten times more depressed if I didn’t have my license LOL. No where to go. No way to see Richard. No independence. No night drives to calm my nerves. Yup, I would’ve gone crazy haha. KIWIN’S. I originally joined just to have community service and say I did it so it would look good on college aps. But because of KIWIN’S, I’ve met so many new people and learned what it feels like to truly make a difference in the community. I worked hard and even became Los Altos’ High School’s KIWIN’S Secretary (: Last but certainly not least, Production Choir 2010-2011. As pessimistic as I was in the beginning about the new people and changes, I can’t believe how amazing everything turned out. These people got me through hard times. At times, they were more of a family to me than my closest friends and my actual family. They inspire me every day and I really will miss my Seniors who graduated. But my biggest accomplish this year is that after all my hard work and dedication, I’ve proved to Mrs. B that I’m suitable for the job as Production Choir’s 2011-2012 President (:
As Junior Year came to a close, for the first time this year, I was truly happy. It may have been the last 3 weeks of school, but better late than never. Maybe it was because summer was coming soon and I was just excited and that excitement overpowered any other negativity or worry going on my head. Or maybe I had a stronger willpower to ignore the worry. But I was truly happy for once in a long time, on my own. I didn’t need to depend on my friends, my boyfriend, anyone, for my happiness for the first time in such a long time.
I’m one who likes to over-exaggerate things, and I’m probably over-exaggerating now, but I really think this year was just horrible. How I came out alive? I don’t even know. I’m just glad this year is over.
Class 2013, incoming Juniors, you will hate your life at one point next year. Maybe all of next year. But don’t feel defeated. Don’t think negativity, it will eat you alive. Don’t depend on people for your happiness, make your own. You may have insecurities, but try your best to look beyond them. And if you have Mrs. Montgomery next year for AP English, always bring her Asian food and she will love you.